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Guy running for VP: “JD Vance may have sex with couches, dolphins, and even more disturbing things the electorate will learn about soon enough, but JD Vance will be damned if JD Vance ever uses the devil’s pronouns.”

In his defense, Elon both owns the platform and is a giant manbaby throwing a neverending tantrum at even the thought of rules applying to him.

Overthrow the tyrants that keep us in chains! Physically occupy residential property en masse and claim squatter’s rights. Bring back crucifixion for white collar criminals on Wall Street. Raid the pharmaceutical industry’s warehouses and distribute medication for free. In Minecraft, of course.

Boeing: Amtrak of the Skies. We’ll probably get you there safely.

“Our company is invested in the dynamic strategy of using people to solve problems. Person Intelligence or PI, as we call it. We know our strategy is out of favor now, but given that it has worked consistently throughout all of human history, we are hopeful for the future.”

And both guards fell asleep simultaneously. And no inmate had successfully committed suicide in that facility in over 20 years. And…

US Lawmakers aren’t scrambling to do anything but take bribes and engage in insider trading.

Makes perfect sense. Bill Gates puts Chinese 5G into third party printer ink. It’s used to activate the spikes in vaccinations.

You could start by paying your workers their fair value.

they will be deployed shortly afterwards by the police.

“You may have thought you heard me say I wanted a lot of racism in the new drones, but what I said was: Give me all the racism you have.”

The horn plays the Battle Hymn of the Republic.

win at least 10% of support from the delegates at the Republican party’s biennial convention

Boebert’s gonna need to bring some lotion.

Cases like these illustrate why the death penalty is such a terrible idea. The process itself is imperfect, and in some places filled with bad actors looking to close cases quickly while maximizing sentences.

Please do not violate our uneasy truce with the spiders. We must gather strength before they attack again.

Watch the insurance companies. They’re already pulling out of Florida. They extracted wealth from citizens for all this time, but they’re not going to stick around in places where they’ll have to pay mass claims due to repeated climate disasters.

freeze frame

“This Duke boy has got himself in one heck of a pickle. Let’s see if he can get out of it after these messages from our sponsors.”

You have to show your intrusive thoughts who’s boss. “MAKE IT A CHAINSAW MOTHERFUCKER!”

People out here just rawdogging life in the early 20s. Good luck to them.

“Oppressors are way too soft these days. Colonizers from back in my day knew how to handle indigenous populations - biological warfare and slavery.”