Also, the Jewish God and Muslim Allah are on the International Space Station.
“Satellites block God’s ability to watch us”
The omniscient, omnipotent god is defeated by a piece of space trash? What a rip-off.
Same God that ‘decided’ a year shouldn’t land on a whole day. Threw in that .25 for shits and giggles.
Satan wins again. At this point the Christians have to admit they chose the losing side.
I mean this God of theirs is shit, can’t even get around satellites, didn’t think humans might beat their cocks raw despite seeing it constantly in Human 1.0 (Chimps), or that they might eat fish on a Tuesday or whatever. Even Jesus was fucking a whore and he was God incarnate.
Also God invented Cancer.
Jesus fucking a prostitute. I’m interested. Never read the bible so I don’t know about it, but I’m curious.
Mary Magdalene. It’s never explicitly stated in the canonical Bible (as if that means anything), but they were very close.
Interesting. Memories from my Christian school are coming back :'(
She was just one of His many followers, it’s quite an absurd speculation. Also doesn’t say that she was a prostitute anywhere.
This is an actual Biblical fact, for more details see the documentary The Da Vinci Code.
If it was a biblical fact, you could give me details by giving me biblical references, not a french fiction novel 😂
Autism, huh?
What? I asked for references from the actual collection of documents that depict Jesus, instead of a fictional novel written in 2003
True. If only the was more than one story from his life between being a child, and being in his 30s… Oh well I guess we’ll just have to assume he lived as a monk and denied himself of anything pleasurable 🙄
Though I recently learned that there is a book about it, it’s just that it wasn’t chosen to be “canonical,” and therefore means you can ignore it completely? Curiously, Jesus does some really fucked up things in that book, including showing off his powers, and killing people just to bring them back to life. The Infancy Gospel of Thomas is the book btw.
Who gets to decide that book isn’t true but the rest are?
The infancy Gospel of Thomas was written well over one hundred years after Jesus had already left earth, in the second century. It claimed that Jesus performed random frivolous miracles for fun, when the Gospel of John said that the water to wine miracle was the first. We also don’t know who “Thomas the Israelite” is either.
It’s likely just something someone made up to try and give a narrative for Jesus’ childhood.
Jesus also likely cast the demons out of Mary Magdalene while in His thirties. Jesus wouldn’t need a female partner if He actually was truly God.
When were Matthew, Mark, Luke and John written?
Here, let me save you a quick Google:
The Gospel of Mark probably dates from c. AD 66–70, Matthew and Luke around AD 85–90, and John AD 90–110. Despite the traditional ascriptions, all four are anonymous and most scholars agree that none were written by eyewitnesses.
Oh look at that.
after Jesus had already left Earth
Lol ok bud. Whatever delusion makes you happy.
What are you trying to prove? The infancy gospel of thomas was written likely around 180AD and even then, people were already calling it out as being a fake.
You clearly aren’t looking for an open-minded discussion by calling me “delusional”, anyway.
Isn’t God supposed to be all-powerful and omnipotent?
That should tell you just how serious this issue with satellites is…
yes but he doesn’t want to interfere with our precious free will, starvation and rape be damned
we just have to pull ourselves up by our bootstraps
God: All knowing and all powerful But wait, satellites, oh no!
Bulletproof logic
Funny how this is a Twitter post as half of all satellites orbiting earth (5581 out of 11300) are owned by Musk.
No, you’re mistaken. Lonnie is on the Right, which means his satellites reflect and amplify prayers. Or at least get a pass. He hates LGBTQ people, so he’s “good.” /s
It’s a good job they haven’t heard of ceilings yet. 😅
I don’t know what’s real anymore…
I honestly have no idea if this is satire and I’m afraid of the answer
That sounds like the story of those Christians who were afraid of lightning rods because it might interfere with their God’s ability to punish people by lightning.
Or the ones who thought street lighting was demonic. This pattern has basically occurred repeatedly throughout history
This is the right amount of crazy that I’m not sure if it’s honest or parody for this country.
Also: Jesus gets my prayers because he’s in my heart, checkmate atheists.
Your cardiologist would like a word about having a 2,000 year old corpse in your heart.
This is the right amount of crazy to accidentally become real.
Which country?
The gun and Christian fundamentalist one.
MAGA. We put the Fun in “fundamental.”
That’s not Jesus in your heart, it’s a worm
Wait, is that why people were taking ivermectin? Not to cure COVID, but to get rid of their Jesus heart worm?
The Jews TM are using iron dome to shoot down christian prayers before they reach heaven.
Since when does God live in space? He lives in the cloud since the people who invented christianity where morrons who didn’t know any better like Everyone in that time period. So now suddenly they accepted space and that God moved over there over 2000+ years living in the clouds, on a planet that is millions of years old.
Special people.
He lives in the cloud?
No wonder he always seems to need money. His AWS bills must be enormous.
it’s all part of the con. god doesn’t have an aws bill. incoming traffic is null-routed, as god doesn’t give a shit and never responds; and senders pay their own bandwidth.
Yeah, shouldn’t god be getting more powerful now that the cloud is growing larger every year. Besides those satellites should help with connection to his followers in remote areas.
So NASA is using the Jewish space lasers to destroy prayers? Those heathens!
C’mon, the picture is clearly ironic
Don’t be so serious about it
Any sufficiently advanced satire of fundamentalism is indistinguishable from sincere fundamentalism.
Are you sure you are listening on the right wave band? God has moved to the 2.3GHz L-band allocated for DAB.
Ok everyone stop upvoting and downvoting. We’ve reached the perfect score.
